I Don't Even Know What This Post Is About

I pretty much assume that it's obvious I'm not married. I look like I'm five and obviously never have my shit together. Married people read the New Yorker on the subway and have perfect hair-dos and wear lipstick all the time and go places accompanied by their perfect-looking husband. Right? Did I mention I live on the Upper West Side? This is what I'm dealing with, here.

On a what I thought would be unrelated note, sometimes I wear rings on my ring finger. I'm talking ridiculously large, junk-jewelry rings, that are clearly fake bling. But friends started saying to me, "woah, woah, woah, why do you wear that ring? People will think you're married!" Since I am clearly single-and-ready-to-mingle, they fear this will send mixed messages.

I am so immature that I didn't think actually people examined ring fingers to find possible hook-ups. But apparently they do, and apparently they might think I'm engaged, even if I'm wearing my rabbit ring (left). BTW, if someone is willing to ask me to marry them with this ring, I swear I'll automatically say yes.

To recap what I've learned: wearing my rabbit ring = bad, because it will scare off potential suitors. But wait a second... potential suitors are gross sometimes. I guess that's why Mistaken sells a fake engagement ring to ward off creepy d-bags. Their video, which I posted below, is pretty funny, even though I tend to think the saying "I puked in my mouth" is a tad over-used. I won't be buying the ring, though. My rabbit one seems to be working just fine.