BFF, Gma

mom, me, grandma on x-mas

My Grandma Joyce has been a single gal for about fifty years, and I have noticed that except for a few small details (I'm still getting my period and don't read paperbacks from Walgreens in bed for 6 hours every night; she doesn't get carded or flirt with under-age Starbucks employees), our lives are very similar. She goes out with guys she hates. I go out with guys I hate. She spends her Sunday nights making herself a nice dinner and drinking an entire bottle of wine. Me, same. We go to movies alone, sometimes on the same day, so we can pretend we saw them together. Also, when together, we often sound like a couple of drunk sailors, swearing up a storm. BFF, Gma.

And like any good granddaughter, I call her every Sunday. Here are a few highlights from our latest conversation:

• "Remember Thingey? You know, Thingey, with the wife?"*
• She referred to her house as a "little adobe hut"
• Oh, and who is this "Suzy Q" person she keeps referring to me as? Is Grandma getting alzheimers?
• She told a story about how she was getting shots after a funeral and realized she went to highschool with the bartender.**
  
• "You know what I mean, Jelly Bean?"
• "I'm sorry, I know this makes no sense to you, but I have never liked Indian people and I'm too old to start now."***
• "I'm too old for this crazy shit."****
• "Those goddam birds wake me up every freakin' morning, I swear I'm going to shoot them with my gun one of these days."*****
  

*She calls everything Thingey.
**The main point of the story was NOT that she went out for shots after a funeral, which I think is far more interesting.
***She knowwwwws how much this bothers me. Old people think they can get away with everything.
****Says this approximately once every four minutes.
*****Thankfully, she doesn't have a gun.