Why Disney World Kicks Ass #6: Flowers That Are Not Boring and Sucky

I didn't used to give a shit about flowers. They die. They're expensive. I don't like carrying them around. I generally don't enjoy spending hours looking at them. And I feel people often buy them for people without much thought. Ex: "My girlfriend is mad at me so I'd better buy her some goddam flowers."

But to see the flowers at the Disney World International Flower and Garden Festival in Epcot is to see Eden on Earth. They will make you give a shit about flowers if you don't already. The flower displays are so colorful they are almost cartoonish, and the topiaries Blow My Mind. The festival runs until May, my favorite month to go to Disney World because:

1) By this time of the year, I have endured months of shitty weather in the god-forsaken mess the North East becomes during the winter, it is a pleasant surprise to remember what the sun looks like and to see a bunch of bright, happy flowers.
2) There aren't a lot of children because hello: what kind of lame-ass parents take their kids out of school right before it ends? The last few weeks are when all the fun stuff happens -- plays, parties, etc. Cool parents yank their kids out of school in the middle of the school year, when it is shitty and hard.
3) It's not hot or humid enough yet that I have to take off my pants in the middle of "It's A Small World." Yet.

I love the Flower Festival so much that I'm going back at the end of April, but this time with my good pal Uncle Rico. (!!!) I have this image of us floating through my mind -- the two of us holding hands and galloping around the daisies and snap-dragons. And it will be so very beautiful! And awe-inspiring! And memorable! And we will be drunk.