How to Kick Some Afikoman Ass

I get so excited about Passover I almost pee my pants every year. I am just awestruck by the beauty, significance and tradition of each and every aspect of the meal. Who knows how long we've been performing Seders -- thousands of years, at least. The Last Supper was a Seder, so each time that I dip the bitter herbs in vinegar or spread mortar on my matzo, I am recreating an act of Jesus and connecting myself to the cradle of humanity. I'm serious.

But I am not Jewish. My family is Catholic, and my mom was pretty surprised to open the Gettysburg College catalogue and see a picture of me lighting the Shebat candle (I attended each Friday, as the only Gentile in Hillel, the student's Jewish organization at Gettysburg), but I explained to her that I hadn't converted -- yet.

I had been to Passover Seders before, but only at school, where the beitzah was served on paper plates and the Matzo ball soup was sub par. I never really cared -- it was all about the action (and kicking everyone's ass in finding the afikoman*) but I was really excited that this year my friend Amsterdam invited me to a real one, at his house. Real silverware and everything!

BTW, the afikoman is a half-piece of matzo which is broken in the early stages of the Seder and set aside to be eaten as a dessert after the meal. In some families, the head of the household hides the afikoman for the children to find, and rewards the one who finds it with money or candy. In other families, the children "steal" the afikoman and ask for a reward for its return. Either way, the afikoman has become a device for keeping children awake and alert during the Seder proceedings, until the time it is needed for dessert.

I had a really excellent idea to really spice up the evening:

1. Bring my own matzo and hide it in my pants. (Hopefully this is not too sacrilegious.)
2. When we are instructed to go search for the afikoman, pretend to get all stressed out and in-a-flutter about finding it. Move around some items around in the living room or something... but act quickly, because nobody else can find the real afikoman before I...
3. Pull the fake afikoman out of my pants and declare "Found it, suckaaaahhhs! Christianity, 1! Judaism, ZIP!"
4. Commence in victory dance (which resembles a touch down dance).
5. Make an acceptance speech, being sure to thank Jesus for helping me find it.

What do you think? Would I have gotten invited back?