This weekend, perhaps because of the particularly frigid weather, I experienced an influx of homeless person encounters. On Sunday night, I was on the F train going in to Brooklyn and a woman asked for change. I gave her a dollar bill. “Can I have a five?” She asked. Later on the street, a homeless man approached me with a well thought out plan: he was trying to by some Chinese food and he needed $7.67 more. I gave him a $5 bill and he scrunched up his face and looked to the sky and said “Listen -- can I have $2.67 more so I don’t have to ask anyone else?” Like, I know it’s annoying to ask different people, but it’s what you’re doing, asking for money. It’s whatchu gotta do. Enough.
Anyway, on the way home there was a vikingesque looking guy asking for money. He was covered in blankets and hats and was making his way down the subway car with a paper cup. He approached this line of college aged douche bags, probably from the Mid-West, most likely Republicans, all wearing THE WORST WINTER HATS I HAVE EVER SEEN. Every single one of them. Like, is that what brought them together? Anyway, this guy asks the ringleader of the douche-hats for money and instead of saying “no” or giving him money he launches into this questionnaire including questions such as “why are you homeless?” “did you graduate high school?” “do you try to be homeless?” “what are you going to do about not being homeless anymore?”
In the end, the douche-hat ringleader says “you don’t seem like disgusting or anything, you’re not wasted on alcohol or drugs, you seem like you could be pretty well pulled together” (what a prince this guy is). The homeless Viking then admits that he is a high school graduate and actually probably could do some stuff to turn his life around. “I guess I am sort of smart,” he says.
Now, the douche-hat ring leader was really pissing me off. He was arrogant, loud and pretentious. But I admit: I took off my headphones and I couldn’t stop listening. And it wasn’t that kind of train-wreck-can’t-look-away listening, it was genuine interest in what the Viking was saying. Why was he homeless? What did he really think about that? Did he see a way out? Had anybody ever said to this guy “hey, you’re pretty smart and you could do better”? I was so torn between thinking the douche-hat ringleader needed to be smacked, and thinking that he actually was thought provoking and interesting. I mean, I’m thinking about all this now, right?
In the end, douche-hat said “maybe there is a reason I met you tonight, God Bless.” And I immediately thought: okay, he is some born again Christian who is going to go home to his church group in North Carolina and tell everyone how he really saved this guy’s life and changed the face of New York City homelessness on his weekend trip, between seeing Mamma Mia and eating at Ruby Foos in Times Square. He’s like Superman, this guy.
Hate him or love him? And what do we do about homeless people? Give them money (if so, how much?) and shut up? Or make them work for their money? Give them a little kick in the ass? Or do they only need kindness?
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